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Preach loud truth
420 blaze it Tollers
Jam session
Ceiling Lolkien
Shoot the Tolkpedo
Poke the Heretic
Chaika? Yes Chaika

Tolkien and... Revolver, his

A student inquired: "Can you enlighten us about J.R.R. Tolkien's powerful revolver, which he used during World War I?"

 

Of course! The truth is, Tolkien's revolver was the most powerful ever. That was because Tolkien had inscribed it with holy runes. Its bullets could pierce 24 volumes of Harry Potter or even 31 volumes of Twilight! In 1918, Tolkien ran extensive tests on this matter in his battalion's Mobile War Library. He then published a scathing letter in the Daily Empire, revealing to the world how weak Stephenie Meyer's books are! But it did not bother Meyer, because she never knew about it. After all, she was still a baby back then, and could not read.

In 1916, Tolkien was challenged to a duel in the trenches by a German officer, Herbert Siegfried von und zu Sauerkrautexplosion. Tolkien brought his revolver; von und zu Sauerkrautexplosion brought a Dicke Berta 42-cm howitzer. Tolkien won because his weapon was more powerful. "I admit defeat", the German officer said and bowed down low.

In 1919, as the war ended, Tolkien tried to find new uses for his weapon. For a while he stuffed it with pipeweed and used it as a pipe. But people were freaked out by this when they saw him putting a revolver in his mouth.

In 1976, Clint Eastwood borrowed the revolver for his role in "The cowboy with the great gun that looks exactly like the revolver of J.R.R. Tolkien".

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Tolkien A-Z

A comprehensive collection of short truths from J.R.R. Tolkien's life, and the many wonders and miracles he bestowed upon the world. Put together and published here for the first time!

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